Question 1: Marriage and family life
My husband and I have been together 17years. We dated 5 and been married twelve. We both have cheated before and we now are arguing all the time. I have found hidden things in his phone and he has in mine. Should we get divorced? I have been trying to communicate but he doesn’t. What does the Bible say about this??
Thanks for your question and your concern for your situation. I pray that your burdens will be lifted by God and that He will give you hope for a brighter future. Your situation is painful, but you are not alone in such experiences as there are so many others who have gone through such situations and found solutions from God to live happily.
Let us first of all understand that the Bible doesnâ€™t permit divorce for a Christian believer. Moreover, the reason you have indicated in your question is not serious enough to contemplate on such a serious option as that of divorce. Arguments between a husband and a wife are not an unusual phenomenon. Disagreements often erupt between people and it is seen between husbands and wives also. I am sure you know that it is not possible for one to expect two humans to agree on everything. But you may resolve these disagreements through reconciliation rather than to confront, fight, argue and quarrel over it. Your basic difficulty in your situation is that you both have broken Godâ€™s commandment by becoming one flesh with more than one person in life and cheated on the one who is Godâ€™s gift to you for a lifetime. But there is deliverance for you both from this sin against God and against each other unless you address it as a grave sin and confess it to God and to each other and repent of it. The basis for reconciliation are (1) to confess the past sins that you both committed to each other and to God because cheating on each other is the breaking of the commandment of God -1 Thessalonians 5:14 & 15, Colossians 3:12 &13, Philippians 2:1-5. (2) Once you confess your sins to God and as you receive His forgiveness, it means that God would forget your sins and will not remember it any longer- Psalms 51, Psalms 32:1-2 – ; (3) You may then confess your sins to each other and ask for forgiveness; (4) Because you are forgiven by God, you must forgive each other also (Matthew 6:12); (5) You both must then renew your faithfulness to each other and should vouch never to cheat on each other in deeds or in thoughts, and not to ever commit this grave sin of adultery. (6) Once God forgives you and you receive His grace to forgive each other, please do not look for evidence against each other about past sins. When God doesnâ€™t remember your sins any more, you also do not have the right to remember the sins your life partner has committed against you (Isaiah 43:25). (7) When the process of confession and forgiveness are over, you must understand that God has forgiven all your past sins and so you should also put all your sins behind your past and start living a new life of mutual trust, faithfulness and chastity. (8) It then is time to erase evidence of past sins and contact information of undesirable persons from your cell phone and e-mail inbox, lest it will tempt you to reminisce on the past and remind yourself of past relationships with its past guilt. (9) As you put your past behind, be watchful not to give opportunity for the flesh and the enemy to remind you both of the past or tempt you to keep linkages to all undesirable persons. Please do not ever use the forgiven sins of the past against each other as a weapon to win an argument.
One of the creative ways to rebuild your mutual communication is to praise God for forgiving your past sins and to thank your life partner for forgiving you, as you pray together. Your prayers together will strengthen your bond for each other. Please ask God to give you genuine love and respect for each other. Learn and practice the art of dealing with each other in grace and compassion. Use pleasant gestures and loving body language and interact with each other by using soft and simple words of expression of your gratitude for the other person for forgiving your past and for the spirit of accommodation. Both of you need to help each other to communicate effectively. As you thus help your partner to rebuild your relationship, you will be on your way to accomplishing creative and mutually satisfying communication with respect and dignity. Be patient and persevere much and wait for the other person to come up to your level. Express your new found love for each other and live for the other person who is willing to forgive your past and to love you as the special person God has chosen for you from among all the people of this world. Thus may your marriage be built up on love and forgiveness even as God has forgiven you in Christ!
Please do not contemplate on divorce which God hates (Malachi 2:16). Jesus Christ has expressly commanded that no one has any right to separate two lives which are joined together by God (Matthew 19:6). So for children of God who are married, divorce is not an option at all. It is Godâ€™s desire that you live together, forgive each other, forget your past and rebuild your marriage to live together to strengthen each other for an enjoyable and satisfying family life. May God Almighty help you to find new joy and peace in your married life and newer heights of love and mutual care!
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