We have been looking at the importance of choosing our marriage partner. A very important truth to be considered at this point is that a believer should marry only a believer. Scripture admonishes strongly in 2 Cor. 6:14 “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” All believers are expected to abide by this moral code of God. In 1 Cor.7:39 it is clearly stated that a believer should marry “only in the Lord”; that is- with one who has trusted the Lord.
There are several reasons why an all-wise God gave us this instruction. Since oneness is the main purpose of marriage, spiritual oneness is possible only between two children of God. The believer’s spirit is spiritually alive whereas the spirit of unbeliever is dead. Living cannot be united with the dead. In order to become one spiritually, they both must be born-again children of God. Only then can they both experience the depth and fullness of Christian marriage. Both possessing the life of God within is the basis of spiritual compatibility which is an essential factor in Christian marriage.
Let us remember that a believer is a child of God, and an unbeliever belongs to the Devil. There can be no relation between them. They cannot function together unless they are under the same head. God has instructed in Deut.22:10 “You shall not plough with an ox and a donkey together” (as they are not of the same nature and character). A man and wife should be scripturally yoked to fulfil God’s purposes in marriage. They both need to have the same divine nature.
Christ must be the centre of all affections of a Christian family. If both husband and wife are not living under the Lordship of Christ, this will be impossible. Since Bible is the rule book for Christian marriage, problems arising in Christian families out to be handled biblically. This again is possible only if both are believers who accept Bible as the rule book. A believer’s goal in life is to please God and glorify Him through marriage; but an unbeliever has other things as goals in life. Their lives will be focused on two different directions, and they can never be one.
All believers are under the great commission of the Lord given in Mat.28:18-20. Therefore, both husband and wife must be committed to this cause.
It is often said that if a believer marries an unbeliever, the unsaved partner also can be brought to the Lord through this relationship. In the first place, we must remember that we are not to disobey any clear command in the bible to bring someone to the Lord. Secondly, ‘bringing’ someone to the Lord or ‘saving’ someone is not in our power to do. The Lord alone is the one who can save people and there is no guarantee that any one will be saved if we share the gospel with them. Moreover, marriage is not a means of evangelism. If it was so, the Lord would have commanded his disciples in the great commission “go in to all the world and marry unbelievers baptizing them….”
It has been noticed in some cases that the unbelieving partner also has come to know the Lord eventually. That is just an expression of God’s abundant grace. They are to be treated as exceptions and not the rule. Such cases should not be taken as a license to marry an unbeliever.
Someone might raise a legitimate question here: What can be done in a situation where only one member in a family is saved and he is compelled to marry an unbeliever?
Word of God instructs us to obey our parents only in the Lord. In other words, if our parents ask us to do something against the word of God, we should refuse to obey. We should tell them gently but firmly that we cannot act against God's principles. A clear uncompromising stand must be taken in that situation. If we stand faithful to the Lord, He will work in such a way that we can be married in accordance with the principles of His word. But we may have to pay a price for taking such a stand.
It may also be asked if this will not cause an ill-feeling and animosity with family members?
In some cases, it may create troubles, because they are unable to understand our stand. However, we need to explain to them that we are willing to obey our parents and respect their views except where they clash with God's principles. We need to show our love and concern for them in all other matters and pray for them. If they still refuse to understand us, we will have to leave it to the Lord and keep quiet about it. Our Lord Himself has forewarned us that problems from parents and relatives will arise if we follow him wholeheartedly. We should be willing to face these difficulties and pay the price. The Lord will give us the grace we need. He has honoured all those who have thus stood for Him. Ever so many examples from real life situations can be quoted to prove this. If we yield to the pressure from our relatives and make the wrong choice, then God cannot work on our behalf. We will suffer loss by missing the best God Has kept for us.
We know of many who married unbelievers against the will of God. What about them? Can they come back to the will of God again and live a life pleasing to God? Marriage has already taken place, and nothing can be done about it now. The best thing to do now is to go to God with a genuine heart of repentance and cry out for His mercy. As 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness”. The Lord will forgive and show mercy. Though they may have to face the consequences of what they have done-breaking the moral law of God-, God will give grace to face it and draw them closer to Him. When the believing partner lives an exemplary life of godliness showing love and care for his/her spouse, the Lord will use that to save the unbeliever as we read in 1 Pet.3:1,2 “even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear”. They have no doubt, incurred some loss; but let them learn lessons from the past and live the remaining part of life in intimate fellowship with God, never straying from His perfect will again.
There are several reasons why an all-wise God gave us this instruction. Since oneness is the main purpose of marriage, spiritual oneness is possible only between two children of God. The believer’s spirit is spiritually alive whereas the spirit of unbeliever is dead. Living cannot be united with the dead. In order to become one spiritually, they both must be born-again children of God. Only then can they both experience the depth and fullness of Christian marriage. Both possessing the life of God within is the basis of spiritual compatibility which is an essential factor in Christian marriage.
Let us remember that a believer is a child of God, and an unbeliever belongs to the Devil. There can be no relation between them. They cannot function together unless they are under the same head. God has instructed in Deut.22:10 “You shall not plough with an ox and a donkey together” (as they are not of the same nature and character). A man and wife should be scripturally yoked to fulfil God’s purposes in marriage. They both need to have the same divine nature.
Christ must be the centre of all affections of a Christian family. If both husband and wife are not living under the Lordship of Christ, this will be impossible. Since Bible is the rule book for Christian marriage, problems arising in Christian families out to be handled biblically. This again is possible only if both are believers who accept Bible as the rule book. A believer’s goal in life is to please God and glorify Him through marriage; but an unbeliever has other things as goals in life. Their lives will be focused on two different directions, and they can never be one.
All believers are under the great commission of the Lord given in Mat.28:18-20. Therefore, both husband and wife must be committed to this cause.
It is often said that if a believer marries an unbeliever, the unsaved partner also can be brought to the Lord through this relationship. In the first place, we must remember that we are not to disobey any clear command in the bible to bring someone to the Lord. Secondly, ‘bringing’ someone to the Lord or ‘saving’ someone is not in our power to do. The Lord alone is the one who can save people and there is no guarantee that any one will be saved if we share the gospel with them. Moreover, marriage is not a means of evangelism. If it was so, the Lord would have commanded his disciples in the great commission “go in to all the world and marry unbelievers baptizing them….”
It has been noticed in some cases that the unbelieving partner also has come to know the Lord eventually. That is just an expression of God’s abundant grace. They are to be treated as exceptions and not the rule. Such cases should not be taken as a license to marry an unbeliever.
Someone might raise a legitimate question here: What can be done in a situation where only one member in a family is saved and he is compelled to marry an unbeliever?
Word of God instructs us to obey our parents only in the Lord. In other words, if our parents ask us to do something against the word of God, we should refuse to obey. We should tell them gently but firmly that we cannot act against God's principles. A clear uncompromising stand must be taken in that situation. If we stand faithful to the Lord, He will work in such a way that we can be married in accordance with the principles of His word. But we may have to pay a price for taking such a stand.
It may also be asked if this will not cause an ill-feeling and animosity with family members?
In some cases, it may create troubles, because they are unable to understand our stand. However, we need to explain to them that we are willing to obey our parents and respect their views except where they clash with God's principles. We need to show our love and concern for them in all other matters and pray for them. If they still refuse to understand us, we will have to leave it to the Lord and keep quiet about it. Our Lord Himself has forewarned us that problems from parents and relatives will arise if we follow him wholeheartedly. We should be willing to face these difficulties and pay the price. The Lord will give us the grace we need. He has honoured all those who have thus stood for Him. Ever so many examples from real life situations can be quoted to prove this. If we yield to the pressure from our relatives and make the wrong choice, then God cannot work on our behalf. We will suffer loss by missing the best God Has kept for us.
We know of many who married unbelievers against the will of God. What about them? Can they come back to the will of God again and live a life pleasing to God? Marriage has already taken place, and nothing can be done about it now. The best thing to do now is to go to God with a genuine heart of repentance and cry out for His mercy. As 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness”. The Lord will forgive and show mercy. Though they may have to face the consequences of what they have done-breaking the moral law of God-, God will give grace to face it and draw them closer to Him. When the believing partner lives an exemplary life of godliness showing love and care for his/her spouse, the Lord will use that to save the unbeliever as we read in 1 Pet.3:1,2 “even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear”. They have no doubt, incurred some loss; but let them learn lessons from the past and live the remaining part of life in intimate fellowship with God, never straying from His perfect will again.