Young believers often pose a question about 'love marriages'. Is it right for a believer to 'fall in love'? What is meant by this question is whether it is right to get to know a person much before marriage, develop a friendship, fall in love, and then marry that person? As discussed in an earlier issue, the prime consideration in looking for a partner is to find out 'the one' God has made for us and marry that person. Because it involves intense emotional investment, it is best to exercise utmost caution constantly seeking the Lord's will in prayer. It is natural with such an emotional attachment to feel confident that this person is 'the one'. It can cloud judgment whether this is indeed God's plan.
So even if one prays to discern if the person, they are interested in is God's choice, one may feel that this is God's choice, simply because of an interest or liking for the other person. That feeling need not always be from God but may also arise out of one's own deceptive heart. (Remember what the scripture says in Jer.17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?) A marriage partner affects every aspect of life especially the spiritual realm of one's being. Therefore, this area is frequently targeted by the Devil to trip up a believer. The great danger in this matter is that in the attraction to a person, it is possible to genuinely miss God's best and be fooled by the Devil. This can hamper spiritual life and make for ineffective, unproductive witnesses.
Further when considering a person seriously for marriage, it is important to difference between true love and mere infatuation. True love is that which is committed to the highest best of the other person even at one's own expense. It is very easy to confuse the two in the excitement of such a courtship. Further, when getting to know a person one already likes, it is possible to only see everything through rose-tinted glasses. So, it is difficult at this stage to assess the other person's capability to be a suitable life partner. Therefore, it is best to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit in this vital aspect rather than only relying on emotions. Since God alone knows who would make a good partner, a decision in this matter ought to be taken only His clear direction.
In order to preserve one’s testimony and maintain purity, it is important that any interaction between a man and a woman should be above board and heed the exhortation from 1 Tim 5:2 by treating ‘younger women as sisters, with all purity’. In schools, colleges, and places of work where there are a lot of opportunities to mingle with those of the opposite sex, there needs to be a degree of restraint. This does not mean that one should avoid all contact with those of the opposite sex. It is important to develop healthy relationships without ulterior motives.
Having said all this, sometimes a mature man and woman of marriageable age may develop a special affection or interest in each other. In such situations, one must proceed with wisdom, respect, and honour. Usually, it is unwise to communicate this feeling to the person concerned at this point. Rather, take the matter to the Lord to understand His mind and will on the matter. If He continues to lead positively, share this with other godly, mature men. Once they too are convinced of this alliance, parents should be consulted. Only then may both begin an exclusive relationship. At the same time, they need to keep in mind some of the other points raised in previous issues. It is important to remember that the Lord ordains partners for each person with great care and He rejoices to see His plans work out in His time.
It is sad to see some 'falling in love' with unbelievers and later enter a marriage alliance with them. It is certain that they will have to pay dearly for this breach of God's command. In such cases, romantic feelings and emotions take over and a decision is taken based on infatuation, not considering the important aspects of the alliance. But in a so called 'love marriage' this is often missing. A hurried decision can lead to lifelong consequences. When the early romantic feelings slowly diminish and both begin to face the realities of life, mutual adjustments become very difficult. Life becomes miserable if married to a person who is not 'the one.'
If anyone has fallen into this trap, a deliberate attempt must be made to get out of it, before it is too late. It is difficult to break up with someone once a person is emotionally involved; but it is better to suffer the pain of breaking up, for a short while, than suffer for an entire lifetime. If they cry out to God for help and deliverance, confessing their failure, God is ever ready to help them overcome this problem. They have to take a strong decision to discontinue the relationship. It may be wise to seek help from other mature believers also in this matter. However, it is more important to please God than oneself; obey God than the impulses of the heart.
So even if one prays to discern if the person, they are interested in is God's choice, one may feel that this is God's choice, simply because of an interest or liking for the other person. That feeling need not always be from God but may also arise out of one's own deceptive heart. (Remember what the scripture says in Jer.17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?) A marriage partner affects every aspect of life especially the spiritual realm of one's being. Therefore, this area is frequently targeted by the Devil to trip up a believer. The great danger in this matter is that in the attraction to a person, it is possible to genuinely miss God's best and be fooled by the Devil. This can hamper spiritual life and make for ineffective, unproductive witnesses.
Further when considering a person seriously for marriage, it is important to difference between true love and mere infatuation. True love is that which is committed to the highest best of the other person even at one's own expense. It is very easy to confuse the two in the excitement of such a courtship. Further, when getting to know a person one already likes, it is possible to only see everything through rose-tinted glasses. So, it is difficult at this stage to assess the other person's capability to be a suitable life partner. Therefore, it is best to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit in this vital aspect rather than only relying on emotions. Since God alone knows who would make a good partner, a decision in this matter ought to be taken only His clear direction.
In order to preserve one’s testimony and maintain purity, it is important that any interaction between a man and a woman should be above board and heed the exhortation from 1 Tim 5:2 by treating ‘younger women as sisters, with all purity’. In schools, colleges, and places of work where there are a lot of opportunities to mingle with those of the opposite sex, there needs to be a degree of restraint. This does not mean that one should avoid all contact with those of the opposite sex. It is important to develop healthy relationships without ulterior motives.
Having said all this, sometimes a mature man and woman of marriageable age may develop a special affection or interest in each other. In such situations, one must proceed with wisdom, respect, and honour. Usually, it is unwise to communicate this feeling to the person concerned at this point. Rather, take the matter to the Lord to understand His mind and will on the matter. If He continues to lead positively, share this with other godly, mature men. Once they too are convinced of this alliance, parents should be consulted. Only then may both begin an exclusive relationship. At the same time, they need to keep in mind some of the other points raised in previous issues. It is important to remember that the Lord ordains partners for each person with great care and He rejoices to see His plans work out in His time.
It is sad to see some 'falling in love' with unbelievers and later enter a marriage alliance with them. It is certain that they will have to pay dearly for this breach of God's command. In such cases, romantic feelings and emotions take over and a decision is taken based on infatuation, not considering the important aspects of the alliance. But in a so called 'love marriage' this is often missing. A hurried decision can lead to lifelong consequences. When the early romantic feelings slowly diminish and both begin to face the realities of life, mutual adjustments become very difficult. Life becomes miserable if married to a person who is not 'the one.'
If anyone has fallen into this trap, a deliberate attempt must be made to get out of it, before it is too late. It is difficult to break up with someone once a person is emotionally involved; but it is better to suffer the pain of breaking up, for a short while, than suffer for an entire lifetime. If they cry out to God for help and deliverance, confessing their failure, God is ever ready to help them overcome this problem. They have to take a strong decision to discontinue the relationship. It may be wise to seek help from other mature believers also in this matter. However, it is more important to please God than oneself; obey God than the impulses of the heart.
– John Kurian
