The roles and responsibilities of husbands and wives Men and women were created by God with distinct abilities to fulfil their roles in marriage. God has given us these roles in His instruction manual, the Bible. Sin degraded these roles, and everyone got occupied with what they can get out of marriage During the last few decades our culture has redefined the meaning and responsibilities of man and woman in society and in the home. The significant social changes brought about by the women's liberation movement have added to the trouble. It is in the very nature of fallen man to seek his own and be selfish. Therefore, he would look at relationships also as an avenue where his own needs can be met without caring for the needs of his partner. As Christians, we are not to enter marriage just to meet our own needs, but to meet the needs of our partner.
“Marriage is two people mutually agreeing to lay down their own rights to benefit the other. Self-rights are forgotten – each one thinks of the other.” Giving up our right is a voluntary decision made in obedience to the Lord and not the spouse. When you give yourself, you can experience the joy of giving. Pursuit of one's own happiness and fulfilment will result in failure and disappointment only. “Meet the need of your partner and your need will automatically be met” is the golden rule in marriage. God is a God of order, and He has instituted an order in the family too, assigning different roles to husbands and wives. It's important for us to look clearly at what the Bible says on this subject. Some of the things that the Scripture says about our responsibilities in marriage won't be what we hear at our workplace, or on television, or from our friends in the society. But we should never let the world tell us how to behave in our family; The Bible alone should be our guidebook.
Husband's first responsibility is to leave His father and mother and cleave to his wife. This is clearly stated in Gen.2:24. "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh". This verse is quoted 3 times in the New Testament making it one of the most quoted verses in the whole of the Bible. Leaving takes place at the point of marriage when a public commitment is made to his partner. Unless both the man and his wife leave their parents, they cannot be closely united to each other. This primarily involves an emotional detachment with the parents when the emotional umbilical cord is cut. Leaving means that you leave the dependence, comfort, and security of your parents' authority.
(The woman also should be weaned from her parents emotionally, realizing that she has been given away by her parents to live the rest of her life with her husband). In the physical sense, it can mean the newlywed husband and wife moving out for separate living. If it is not possible to move, the newly married should function as a separate family unit under the same roof. A deliberate leaving of parental headship is essential for the smooth functioning of the new family unit. Another thing that should happen is a shift of priorities. Wife should take priority over all other relationships. She should become the most important person in life. She must be consulted in everything, and her interests taken into consideration. There should be a change in man's relationship with parents. A new relationship should give way to another.
From this point on, the newly married should cease to go to their parents for everything. Husband and wife should learn to make decisions of their own, prayerfully. Thus, they begin to function independent of their parents. To 'leave' our fathers and mothers does not mean we must cut off all relationship to them or abandon them. We should continue to relate to them, honour them and care for them. This is our Christian obligation. Even after marriage it will be good to go to parents for advice in important matters; but the final decision should be taken by the couples and not their parents.
The act of leaving parents will be difficult for many. But it's important to obey the biblical command. It will surely help in the process of growing up and establishing your own home. It may be difficult for the parents also to let their son or daughter go. Parents should make deliberate attempts not to interfere with the affairs of their children. Children should be encouraged to make their own decisions rather than to come to them for every little thing. Parents should not act as 'remote controls. Many Christian parents are ignorant of these truths and proper teaching should be given in the churches about these things.
In-law problem is a major problem in the Indian society. If both the parties do not understand these principles, relationships can be strained, and unnecessary problems created. The next thing we read in Gen.2:24 is to 'cleave'. This means 'to be glued" or "joined". This speaks of a permanent union between two people, never to separate again. The result of leaving and cleaving is becoming one flesh. This teaches that they are to be one in everything maintaining intimate and close relationship. There is a biological unity also here- the exploration and development of a fulfilling sex life together. It bonds the two together, strengthening the marriage like no other thing can. It is to be noted that in many passages in scripture the word "know" is used to refer to the physical union between and a man and wife in the context of marriage (Gen 4:1,16,25; Matt.1:25). The most intimate and total knowledge of each other is what is meant.
So wonderful and so complete is the oneness between husband and wife that it is compared to the unity of Christ and Church (Eph 5:32). It should be mentioned here that the marriage is complete even if the partners have no children. When a man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife, they become one and find fulfilment in life.
– John Kurian
