The next role of a husband in family life is to love his wife. This is clearly stated in Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her." This is repeated in Col.3:19“Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.” The word used in these verses for 'love' is 'agape' which is used in the Bible for divine love or the highest degree of love. This is not just an emotional exercise of getting excited or heated up inside. This is more than ‘liking' somebody a lot. Biblical love is not blind neither is it an empty sentimentalism. Love has an emotional element to it, but it is not merely an emotion. If it was only an emotion, God could not have commanded it. Only an action can be commanded. Agape can be defined as a commitment for the ultimate wellbeing of one being loved, irrespective of one's state condition or response. William Mac Donald defines it as “a calculated pattern of behaviour”. It is a deliberate lifestyle followed and a course of life chosen willingly.
John Mac Arthur brings out the real meaning of it as he states, “this love centres completely on the needs and welfare of the one loved and does whatever necessary to meet those needs”. Therefore, a husband's loving is an act, something that he should deliberately do. Loving one's wife in a godly way means not only having a feeling but acting that love out in real life. Apostle John's instruction in his first epistle Ch.3 and verse 18 is a good reminder in this context "Let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth" (1 John 3:18). This love of the husband should not be based on his wife's performance but on her worth as God's precious gift to him. He loves her not because she does everything right or not even because she pleases him in everything. He loves her just because she is his wife and because God has commanded him to love her. This love is unconditional. It is to be specially noted that God has set definite standards for loving one's wife. This helps the husbands to know the nature of love that should be shown to their wives.
Look at the first standard God has set. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (Eph.5:25). The expression of Christ's love for the church was giving himself for her. Thus, husbands also should give themselves totally and unreservedly for their wives. The nature of Christ's love for the church as described here is unselfish and sacrificial. "Love seeketh not her own" (1 Cor.13) His love cost him everything, even his own life. It involved inconvenience, pain, agony, and humiliation. He did not consider the cost he had to pay but only the benefit and blessing the church would gain. He was willing to give up anything for his bride, the church. Christ's love for the church is without limits, nothing is held back. The sacrifice of Christ was intentional. It was purposeful; He was doing it for a reason. That is how husbands should love their wives. His love does not depend on our love for Him. Oh! What a high standard is presented before the husbands here for loving their wives.
A second standard the Scripture sets before the husbands is "So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies"(V.28). The next verse says, "For no one ever hated their own body". This is again emphasized in V.33 when it says, "let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself". All of us care for our bodies and do only the best for ourselves. We keep it as well fed and healthy as possible. Any need of the body is immediately taken care of. This should be the way we love our wives. Practically it means that we should see her needs and pain as if it were our own. Her every need should receive our full attention and efforts should be made to meet those needs. It is important to let the wife know that we value, respect, and love her. This can be done through verbal communication and through actions. Every man who enters marriage makes a commitment to love his wife through the covenant he makes at the point of marriage. Harsh answers, angry looks and irritated tones of voice are never the expressions of love. It is the husband's responsibility to create and maintain an atmosphere of love in the home. The initiative for this should come from the husband's side.
Husbands should love their wives in obedience to the command of the Lord and not in response to what the wife does for him. The Bible uses the word "love" over 350 times. It is interesting to note that almost 10% of these times are in the Song of Solomon (which comprises less than 0.5 percent of Scripture), a book on marital love. This highlights the place of love in marriage. A wife is able to perform well and be at her best only when the husband loves her as he ought to. Which wife on earth will hesitate to submit to a husband who loves her intensely, sacrificially, and unselfishly. It is evident that the type of love the Scripture demands from a husband is not easy to give. In fact, it is humanly impossible in our own strength. The power to love comes out of our relationship with God. It is the result of a supernatural enablement by the Spirit of God. It requires a moment-by- moment dependence on God, acknowledging one's inability to generate that love by self-effort. As we ask God to empower us and enable us to love, God helps us. And thus, we can give our wife what she needs most-true biblical 'agape' love. The possibility of being a good and loving husband is only through faith in Jesus Christ. We are enabled to love, only when the Lord comes into our lives and enables us to love unselfishly.
– John Kurian