In our last issue we looked at the example of Christ in leadership. We shall now look at some areas in which husbands should exercise leadership in the family.
As God has appointed man as the leader of the home, God holds him responsible for everything that happens in the family. He cannot escape by saying “I didn't do it or know it” nor can he blame his wife or children. The first area is the spiritual realm. The husband being the head of the family is the priest and is responsible for the spiritual well-being of the members of his household. He is responsible for leading the family in worship, prayer, and the study of God's Word. He is also responsible to maintain a godly atmosphere within the home. He must be a spiritual person himself to perform his duty in this area. It is obvious that we cannot be of help to someone if we ourselves are not spiritual. Otherwise, it will be like “the blind leading the blind” (Mat.15:14).
Unless the husband knows the truths and principles of God's word, he cannot teach or instruct others. Moreover, he should be leading a godly life to lead others in to such a life. Only one who has given first place to God in his own life and spends time with God and His word on a daily basis can lead his family spiritually. In speaking to Israel God demands: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength” before “teaching them diligently to your children”. It is also mentioned there that this teaching has to take place all the time through their very life. (Deut. 6:5-7). In order to clear the doubts of the wives as mentioned in 1 Cor.14:35, the husband must be well versed in the things of God. It is the responsibility of the husband to sanctify their wives by the washing of water by the word as Christ does to the Church (Eph.5:26).
Godly Christians have long emphasized the importance of regular, daily family worship when all the members of the family come together to praise God, pray, and read the Scriptures. It is a great time to explain biblical principles and their application in the lives of each member of the family. Husband should take leadership to lead the family to the right church (Scriptural) and maintain fellowship and attendance there which is essential for spiritual growth.
Another area where leadership of the husband is to be exercised is the arena of decision making. Decision-making is one of the most difficult aspects of the husband-wife relationship. While it is true that wives can be consulted and their opinion sought in making decisions, the right and responsibility of making the final decision rests with the husbands. God holds him responsible for the decisions made. In the garden of Eden Adam was questioned by God and held accountable for what happened there in connection with the sin committed. Instead of jumping into a quick decision, a family must pray over the matter and weigh the implications in the light of the Word of God. However, after this process the husband must take a decision as the Lord directs him. Management of all family affairs is another area to be considered in leadership. This involves every area of a family.
The Spirit of God explains this truth as He talks about church leadership. “If a man does not know how to rule ('manage'- NASV) his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?” (1 Tim. 3:5). This means that it is the husband's responsibility to see that everything is managed well in his home, though he himself may not be doing everything. In order to do this, he should have full knowledge of all that goes on in his home. Planning of household activities, financial management etc. comes under the responsibility of the head. The husband is responsible for overall direction, vision, leadership, relationships of the family. He charts the course of their destination (in consultation with his wife). He who leads well can manage well.
It is a serious matter to be the head of a household. He needs lot of divine wisdom to carry out his God given responsibility to direct, guide and manage the home. How encouraging it is to know that God has promised to give wisdom to those who ask for it. “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not: and it shall be given him “(James 1:5) Conflict management is an essential aspect of a husband's leadership role. As human beings it is quite possible for conflicts to arise within a family with one's wife or children. Very often mishandling worsens the problem. It is not what happens, but how we handle them that matters. As the head of a family, husband should take the initiative to settle the problems that arise. He should act as the peacemaker in the family. God has shown us a very good example in this matter of reconciliation. Though God was right, and we sinners were wrong, He took the initiative to come down in the person of Christ and reconcile us to himself. A true leader will always be willing to take the lead in settling conflicts.
Husbands are exhorted to exercise leadership in bringing up children. God's instruction to raise children in a godly manner is directed to the fathers in Eph.6:4. “Ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Though mothers also have a responsibility to care for their children, fathers are the ones who are ultimately responsible here. They should see that their children are taught and trained in the proper way. The children that God trusted them to care for are their responsibility. The safety and well-being of their children is in their hands. May the Lord grant us grace that we may become the husbands and fathers that God has called us to be.
As God has appointed man as the leader of the home, God holds him responsible for everything that happens in the family. He cannot escape by saying “I didn't do it or know it” nor can he blame his wife or children. The first area is the spiritual realm. The husband being the head of the family is the priest and is responsible for the spiritual well-being of the members of his household. He is responsible for leading the family in worship, prayer, and the study of God's Word. He is also responsible to maintain a godly atmosphere within the home. He must be a spiritual person himself to perform his duty in this area. It is obvious that we cannot be of help to someone if we ourselves are not spiritual. Otherwise, it will be like “the blind leading the blind” (Mat.15:14).
Unless the husband knows the truths and principles of God's word, he cannot teach or instruct others. Moreover, he should be leading a godly life to lead others in to such a life. Only one who has given first place to God in his own life and spends time with God and His word on a daily basis can lead his family spiritually. In speaking to Israel God demands: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength” before “teaching them diligently to your children”. It is also mentioned there that this teaching has to take place all the time through their very life. (Deut. 6:5-7). In order to clear the doubts of the wives as mentioned in 1 Cor.14:35, the husband must be well versed in the things of God. It is the responsibility of the husband to sanctify their wives by the washing of water by the word as Christ does to the Church (Eph.5:26).
Godly Christians have long emphasized the importance of regular, daily family worship when all the members of the family come together to praise God, pray, and read the Scriptures. It is a great time to explain biblical principles and their application in the lives of each member of the family. Husband should take leadership to lead the family to the right church (Scriptural) and maintain fellowship and attendance there which is essential for spiritual growth.
Another area where leadership of the husband is to be exercised is the arena of decision making. Decision-making is one of the most difficult aspects of the husband-wife relationship. While it is true that wives can be consulted and their opinion sought in making decisions, the right and responsibility of making the final decision rests with the husbands. God holds him responsible for the decisions made. In the garden of Eden Adam was questioned by God and held accountable for what happened there in connection with the sin committed. Instead of jumping into a quick decision, a family must pray over the matter and weigh the implications in the light of the Word of God. However, after this process the husband must take a decision as the Lord directs him. Management of all family affairs is another area to be considered in leadership. This involves every area of a family.
The Spirit of God explains this truth as He talks about church leadership. “If a man does not know how to rule ('manage'- NASV) his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?” (1 Tim. 3:5). This means that it is the husband's responsibility to see that everything is managed well in his home, though he himself may not be doing everything. In order to do this, he should have full knowledge of all that goes on in his home. Planning of household activities, financial management etc. comes under the responsibility of the head. The husband is responsible for overall direction, vision, leadership, relationships of the family. He charts the course of their destination (in consultation with his wife). He who leads well can manage well.
It is a serious matter to be the head of a household. He needs lot of divine wisdom to carry out his God given responsibility to direct, guide and manage the home. How encouraging it is to know that God has promised to give wisdom to those who ask for it. “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not: and it shall be given him “(James 1:5) Conflict management is an essential aspect of a husband's leadership role. As human beings it is quite possible for conflicts to arise within a family with one's wife or children. Very often mishandling worsens the problem. It is not what happens, but how we handle them that matters. As the head of a family, husband should take the initiative to settle the problems that arise. He should act as the peacemaker in the family. God has shown us a very good example in this matter of reconciliation. Though God was right, and we sinners were wrong, He took the initiative to come down in the person of Christ and reconcile us to himself. A true leader will always be willing to take the lead in settling conflicts.
Husbands are exhorted to exercise leadership in bringing up children. God's instruction to raise children in a godly manner is directed to the fathers in Eph.6:4. “Ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Though mothers also have a responsibility to care for their children, fathers are the ones who are ultimately responsible here. They should see that their children are taught and trained in the proper way. The children that God trusted them to care for are their responsibility. The safety and well-being of their children is in their hands. May the Lord grant us grace that we may become the husbands and fathers that God has called us to be.
– John Kurian