In this issue, let us look at the leadership role God has assigned to husbands. This subject can be a very sensitive and volatile one to discuss in the modern world. Even many so-called Christian women also object to this clear teaching of the Bible. They are comfortable only with the concept of equality of husband and wife. On the other hand, some husbands don't realize that God has ordained them for this role, while others don't understand how they should lead; still others are lazy and refuse to own up the responsibility. These are some of the problems faced by families all over the world. There is no excuse that God would ever accept for a husband for not being the leader of his home. All husbands should obey the call of the Lord to take his commission to lead the family.
In stating the role of the husband, the Bible very clearly teaches the leadership position that is given to him. Look at the scriptures: “But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ”- (1 Cor. 11:3). “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, and He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything” -(Ephesians 5:22-24)
The Bible also gives a clear organization structure of a family. It not only speaks of the headship of the husband, but also gives clear instructions as to how he should function as a leader in the family. Leadership position is not something the husband has to usurp or demand as per the world standards; it is as God Himself has ordained.
'Headship' is not to be dictatorship. It is neither male chauvinism nor husband playing the boss, where a man lords it over a woman and demands her total obedience to his wish and command. Biblical concept of headship is something totally different. It carries the idea of loving, protecting and providing. It is not "lording over" but watching over. It is not rank but responsibility, duty not dominion. But it always carries the idea of leadership.
Bible does not classify women as lower rated citizens. Before God both men and women are equal in value, worth and dignity. "There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:28). The Bible gives a position of respect to the women. But it is a fact that wives want husbands to lead them. Christ is presented as the ultimate example of true leadership. If we want to have a happy marriage and relationship with our wives and families, follow the leadership model of Christ. He led by serving. He demonstrated it when he washed His disciples' feet (John 13:1-17). As the head of the Church, Christ is interested in the welfare of His bride, the Church. He is her protector and her savior.
Let us now look at how husbands can lead as Christ did. We see in Eph.5:25 that Christ's leadership was based on his love for his bride. He even laid down his life for her. The 'agape' love spoken of in the verse is doing everything for the ultimate well-being of the wife; a love not based on ' reward deserving' performance but His commitment. Christ though as a leader was strong and firm yet was gentle, tender, and loving. The leadership of the Christian husband too should be marked by love, (Ephesians 5:25) the kind of love that marked Christ's love for his church. When she gets the love of her husband, she will be more than willing to submit to his leadership. There will be no need for the husband to chase or drag his wife. She will submit, obey, and follow joyfully. Paul, talking about the leadership of the Corinthian church says “Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong. Let all that you do be done with love” (1 Cor. 16:13-14). Paul knew that leading without loving would be ineffective.
John Mac Arthur in his article 'For husbands only' says “Ask many Christian husbands to summarize their biblical duty in one word, and they will answer, "Leadership." Scripture answers the question with a different word: love. There is no doubt that God's design for a husband includes the aspect of leadership. But it is a leadership that flows from love and is always tempered by tender, caring affection. The husband's proper role as a loving, nurturing head is best epitomized by Christ, who took the servant's role to wash His disciples' feet.”
Then we see that Christ's leadership was based on his own exemplary behavior. He taught his disciples, “I have given you an example that you should do as I have done to you” (John 13:15).
Paul also believed in this kind of leadership and exhorted his followers to do the same when he said: “Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ” (1 Cor. 11:1). A good example on the part of the husband would cause his wife and children to have a sincere respect for him as the leader of their home.
We also see that Christ led by serving others. In Mark 10:45 He said, “For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister and to give his life a ransom for many”. In John 13 he demonstrated the truth of His saying by washing the feet of his disciples (This was the work of the slaves in those days) He continued His teaching by saying “If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him” (John 13:14-16). Biblical leadership is servant leadership. A Christian husband must have the heart of a servant, even the mind of Christ.
A Christian husband does not live to be served but lives to serve his wife and children. He will be attentive and sensitive to the needs of others in the family and will be willing to meet those needs. It is to be noted that one who does not serve his wife and family cannot serve the Lord and others.