In the past issues we have been looking at the role and responsibilities of the husbands in the family. In this issue we would consider another instruction in the New Testament to the husbands. 1 Pet.3:7- “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them(wives) with understanding, giving honour to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered”.
This is a very practical instruction that God gives to all husbands. The word 'dwell' could mean “to cohabit” or “to make a home with”. It definitely involves the idea of living and spending time together with wives. Dwell with them with understanding literally means, dwell with them according to knowledge.
J B Philips translation puts it this way: “You husbands should try to understand the wives you live with”. It means the husbands should try to study and know all they can about their wives. Many marital problems arise from a lack of understanding one another. The emotional, mental and physical differences are so many that it takes a lot of effort, time and patience to know your wife (and vice versa).
The husbands are commanded to recognize the weak and strong points of their wives and behave accordingly. A lot of adjustment is needed on the part of the husbands to live with their wives with understanding. Wives love to be understood. They feel hurt when their husbands don't understand them. A husband needs to know what discourages his wife and what makes her happy. He should take in to account the emotional and mental makeup of his wife.
Basically, men and women are equal in value, dignity and worth. Both are created in the image of God, redeemed by the same blood and equally heirs of the grace of God. At the same time, there is a God- created difference between men and women. They are very different in their basic makeup. It is very important to know the differences between men and women.
There is a lot of difference between male and female in the physical make up. They are rather obvious and most of these can be seen and measured easily. It is said that virtually every cell in a man's body has a chromosome makeup entirely different from that in a woman's body.
The physical differences are given by God according to the roles they must play in life. Wife has to conceive, breast feed children, and bring them up with tender care and so she has a physical structure that suits her role. The husband has to work hard and be the bread winner, leader, and protector of the family and therefore he has a structure that fits his role. In the same way, men and women have psychological differences too that will enable them to play their God-assigned roles in life.
Man thinks logically whereas woman thinks emotionally. Wife wants to be understood, husband wants to be accepted. Wife needs affection whereas husband needs trust. He needs less approval, and she needs more approval. Man focuses on major issues but women even on minor details. Man is an initiator whereas woman is a responder. Man nags less often but women do it more often. Man is bothered less about physical appearance; woman is more bothered about it.
Man is more sex-oriented and woman is love oriented. Man's sexual arousal is instant and has nothing to do with the happenings of the day. Woman's sexual arousal is a culmination of all that happened during the day; she needs emotional and mental preparation. Man is aroused by sight whereas woman is aroused by touch. Man is not bothered about privacy whereas women are very much concerned about it.
Dr. James Dobson says there is strong evidence indicating the “seat” of the emotions in a man's brain is wired differently than in a woman's. By virtue of these two differences, men and women are miles apart emotionally and physically.
Once you understand why your wife acts that way or think that way, it can bring about a lot of change in your attitude. Instead of trying to change your wife, learn to value the way God created her. Allow your differences to complement one another. Once you learn to accept and enjoy the differences, they can be a wonderful strength to marriage. They create a balance as you work together as a team. Accept and appreciate the differences and be sensitive to the other's viewpoints. Those God-created differences must be recognized, respected, and celebrated in the home and in the church.
When husbands fail to understand their wives and remain indifferent to their needs, uncaring and callous, not addressing their concerns, they feel hurt. When a wife is sharing her problems, she wants her husband to first listen to it than solve it straightaway. Listen to what she has to say and show interest in it. Be sensitive to her feelings.In the verse under consideration, husbands are instructed to give honour to their wives. Understand her worth and give value to her. She should feel honoured through the words and deeds of the husband. This should be done privately and in public. That which is honoured is never abused, ignored, or neglected. Rather they are considered, spoken well of, and cared for.
A wife is honoured not because of her beauty or achievements but because she is a fellow heir of salvation. The Bible upholds the dignity of woman in both creation and redemption. Men and women are heirs together of the grace of life, the scripture says. It is to be specially mentioned here that it was the Bible and Christianity that upheld the dignity of women and gave honour to her. In most cultures, religions and societies in the world, women were treated as servants or mere instruments to gratify the passions of man. Christianity elevated women to their rightful place of esteem.
Peter here points out that she should be given honour considering her as the 'weaker vessel’. This may be referring to her physical and emotional weakness. Women are known to be less capable of enduring fatigue and toil. She is like an earthen vessel easily broken; she is more delicately constructed and therefore deserves to be treated with special kindness and attention.
The last part of the verse is to be specially noted- “That your prayers may not be hindered.” This means that if the husband fails to “live with his wife” in a God-prescribed way it would result in the man's “prayers being hindered. “The word hindered means to cut off. A husband who ignores these biblical directives does not just hurt his relationship with his wife, but also his relationship with God.